Five Years
by charleighxo
Summary: It's our anniversary and you don't even remember, where are you? Quincest.
1. Chapter 1

It's been five years; five years since you told me you loved me. Five years since, you asked me on our first of many dates. It's been five years since I vowed to never love another. This should be the one of the happiest days of my life, but instead it's yet another day of heartbreak and broken promises. I suppose I shouldn't even feel disappointed anymore, it shouldn't, but it still hurts like the first time you ever broke a promise to me.

I still remember the first time you disappointed me like it was yesterday. The way my heart constricted so tightly I just knew that I was surely having heart failure. I remember how you lied to me, and lied to me for months until I finally called you on your bullshit. Then you blamed me and said it was my fault. My fault?! That I was being too clingy, I was suffocating you. That people were going to start asking questions. That it was best if we weren't seen with each other so much, but out with other people. So we needed to stop spending so much time together.

I can't believe I actually believed you and that you were just watching out for us. You told me Lindsey was nothing more than a friend and I was the only one for you. God I was so naive and gullible, but I ate it right up because why Tegan, my Tegan lie to me and sound so sincere while doing it. It just wasn't possible and would never have even crossed my mind.

So you can imagine the heartache I felt when mom told me that you and Lindsey had finally made it official, after three years of you chasing fucking chased after a straight girl. I thought that I would surely die, that mom was lying. Like no, Tegan would have told me if that were true. Right? Because you wouldn't cheat on me, not your fucking soul mate. You wouldn't hurt me like that, break me like that.

It's been three years since I felt the true pain of heartbreak. It's been to two years since you started forgetting all of our anniversaries. It's been one year since you said I love you and I actually believed you. It's been six months since you even touched me. It's been two weeks since you last kissed me, and I could taste her on you. It's been five years since you made me believe in love. It's been five years, and for three of those years you chased after another girl. It's been five years since I gave you my heart. It's been five years and you don't even remember that its our anniversary, where are you? It's been five years and I'm sitting here alone yet again waiting for you to remember to me, to put me first. It's been five years and I'm done.

Happy Anniversary Tegan,

Sara

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**A/N: **This is my first story so please be nice. Constructive criticism is always nice as well. xo Char


	2. Chapter 2

It been six months since you left and I'm still in a state of shock. Nobody has heard anything from you in months, you won't even answer moms calls. I never really thought that you would leave, actually leave me. Mom keeps asking me what happen and why would you just suddenly up and leave? And I don't know how to answer that without telling her that it's entirely my fault. That I broke your heart, after I swore that I would never do that you.

I'm still trying to figure out where it all went wrong, how I could mess up the best thing to ever happen to me. I never meant for any of this to happen and I will live with the guilt of what I did to you for the rest of my life. My biggest regret will always be the fact that I caused you so pain and that I didn't care enough to stop it. I wish I could take it all back but I know that I can't.

Lindsey was never supposed to happen, she was just a girl that I met one day. When I told you that we were just friends, I was being completely honest with you. But then everybody started in after me with why was I single and mom just wouldn't let it go and keep hinting at the fact that Lindsey and I would make a cute couple and that I should go for it. No matter how many times I told her that I didn't see her like that and that Lindsey was straight. So I finally just went after it. I thought it was a safe option because she would never want me she was straight and I didn't want her so why not.

I've always know it was wrong from the beginning and that I should have discussed it with you first Sara, but I knew that you would never go for it and that I shouldn't have either. I got so caught up in the game that I actually started to believe it. So when she actually made it known that she liked me too I thought it was what I wanted. I mean I had chased her for three years and now she wanted me back how could I say no to that. It was like with her I could do all the things that I wanted to do with you but couldn't but there was only one problem I didn't love her, I don't love her not in the same why that I love you and I never could love her in that way.

I know you probably don't want to hear this and I'm not trying to make excuses for myself or justify what I have done to you, I just want to answer some of the question that I know you have but I have never given the answer to. Sara there is not enough words in the human language for me to even begin to apologize for everything that I have done to over these last five years. The only thing I have to offer is I am sorry and I know that will never be enough. I'm sorry that I lied to for months on end that I could even let it get to the point that I didn't even care enough to lie in order not to hurt more then I already had. I'm sorry that I cheated on you, you never deserved that and you never will. I never meant to break you or your heart and for that I truly apologize from the bottom of my heart.

I know that you feel that it was your fault that everything went to hell. That I made you feel like you weren't god enough, but you have to believe when I say that it was never your fault and never will be. You were always too good for me I was the one who wasn't good enough for you. I only pray that one day you can forgive me for everything that I have done to you. And I hope that one that we will be able to repair our relationship, I know that we will never be together again as much as I may want that. But you are still my sister and I do want to work on getting that back because I not only lost my lover but my sister, my best friend. I know that you may not believe me but I love you more than words could ever express as your sister but also as so much more and I always will. I miss you Sara, I miss you so, so much.

Love Tegan


End file.
